A Poem for my Dad

My Dad died on October 12, 2007. His death has changed me so profoundly that I scarcely recognize myself. I am sure that I look the same to people but who I am inside my skin is a stranger. I think things I never thought before and I wish for things that scare me down to my bones. I wrote this poem on a night that I missed him so much I just had to get some of it out...for me that means writing it down.

There You Are

by Lesley Sim Armstrong

You are gone.

Then a summer thunderstorm comes and there you are,

Eyes dancing as the lightning flashes.

The air is heavy with anticipation.

I reach out to catch your hand and share this wildness but you’ve slipped away into the night.

You are gone.

Then the autumn comes and there you are.

The rowan tree is burning with colour and I am alive,

filled with a passion for life that was your gift to me.

I want to tell you all that is in me.

You are gone.

Then the snow begins to fall and there you are.

The world is silent and we stand together in white beauty.

It fills me up and makes me ache.

I am empty.

You are gone.

Then I am by the sea and there you are.

Waves roll in and everything that is you rolls in,

Hits me, washes over me and rolls out again.

I am left drenched in you.

You are gone.

It is as though you are ahead of me and I am running to catch up but my legs are heavy and I am weighed down.

I spend my days chasing you

Then I fall asleep and there you are

With your hands in your pockets.

Nonchalant.

As if to say,

You are waiting for me.

There you are.