He's me.

This week Max had ski lessons on the mountain near our house. I am, at this moment, so proud of him for making it through the week. He is me. He has all my anxiety and fear of the unknown. I knew it would take him some time to get used to the whole skiing thing so I purposely signed him up for a whole week rather than a weekend of lessons. By the time he would be comfortable and ready to take risks, the weekend would be over. I've never said, "don't give up", "keep going" and "I'm proud of you" so many times in my life. The truth is that I couldn't care less about the skiing, I was just so proud of him for seeing it through even though every single fibre of his shy, tentative little being wanted to just quit. I was also kind of proud of myself that I didn't let him quit. Yeah me. Yeah us.

scary

I normally feel quite 'in control' of myself. I never used to be. When I was younger, I suffered from severe anxiety and used to have panic attacks brought on by worries about dying and nuclear war. Heavy stuff. As a parent, I'm sure I would be the most anxious woman alive were it not for the balance in my life...my husband. He really calms me down and keeps me from worrying about the things I cannot control. He's good that way...just what I need, like he was made for me.

The only time I panic now is when the kids are sick. Isla just got over 2 days of throwing up and Max just started. It makes me realize how small and vulnerable they are. I let my imagination run away with me and pray for their health and well being with every breath. I find it no less than heart-breaking to imagine what having a child with a serious/chronic/terminal illness must be like. It must be excruciating and so very very scary.

An ode to Josh for my new i phone

itunes

iphoto

ipod

imovie

idvd

ihappy

ivalentines

iday

ithankyou

iam

iphone

iluvyou

V-day? Where?!

Valentines Day.

It feels funny when you're not in North America because it's kind of "no big deal". There are a few shops with displays but nothing too commercial or overwhelming. I like it.

Strength

I am one of the strongest people I know. I'm not saying that to be conceited in any way, it is just true. In one way, I wish I was the kind of person who needed looking after. A delicate flower, rather than a Steel Magnolia (if you will pardon the reference but I sort of like to wish that I was in that movie;-).

People crowd around the delicate ones, holding them up, offering support and generally keeping them together. I think that would be nice.