The Good Ol' Days again

When we came to Switzerland 7 years ago, we were introduced to Nikki and Stuart, a couple who had made the big move just a few months before we did. They took us under their wing and showed us the do's and don'ts of living here. The four of us slipped into an easy friendship that felt so comfortable, I like to think of it as "friends at first sight". The Good Ol' Days were good. Mah jong, beer, fondue, mah jong, port, fondue, mah jong, champagne, you get the idea... After having their first son in 2005, they decided to move back to the UK. I knew that we would always be friends but it was a time that I shall describe simply as 'sad'. Since they left there has been a Byfield shaped hole in my life.

We spent a Christmas with them and they spent spring break with us and then, fast forward to summer 2009...joy and bliss the Byfield family came to visit us! If not for the four children running about around us, it would be as though time had stood still. The only difference is that we are now better looking, smarter and much, much funnier. The three weeks flew by and, although we are left with lots of fun memories, I am more sure now than ever that life is definitely BWB (better with Byfields:-)

When they are here I revisit old doubts about why I am here, so far away from my family. Am I doing the right thing? It feels right to me. I wake up feeling that I am in the right place but life is not all about feelings. SHOULD I be somewhere else? Have I got obligations and responsibilities that I have pushed aside? Did Mum and Dad think these thoughts each year they stayed in Canada? When, if ever, does a foreign country feel like home? Is home where you grew up, where your family is originally from or where you choose to live? Am I Canadian, Scottish or both? Does it even matter? If we stay for ages, will my children feel like they belong somewhere? Can, and should, you ever go back? Where is 'back'?

My head spins with these questions that plague me from time to time. I take small comfort in the knowledge that if my Dad were still alive, he would like where I am and what I am doing. It would bring him joy.

Living here brings me joy but it brings me sadness too. If I had to be a flavour of ice cream, I think I would be bittersweet. Bittersweet is the flavour of my life.

It is like being a parent. With each new stage of my naughties lives, I mourn the stage they have left behind. I rejoice each milestone but inside I am crying. Crazy, I know. Similarly, with each adventure I have here in Switzerland, I think about what I am missing at home. I know you can't have it all and I know too that the grass is NEVER greener but still...I am always, always wondering.